What I need is time and space~~

It Monday, I went for dinner with my bf. I know that he can't make it to be so early so I ordered my food and drink and wait for him . I reached the restaurant at 4pm, and he reached at 5 pm. By the time he reached, I've finished my food and drink. I dunno why my tears keep falling while I was eating and I did not manage to finish my food. When he reached we did not start any conversation about us. Again we met for dinner and it's just for dinner. After he has finished his food, we walked back to his stall, he handed over some lemons to me then I left without a word.

Am I falling out of love? I don't know. I ended up crying again while I drive home. Before getting into my house, I made a phone call, to my 1st love, yes I always call him to seek for consultation as he knows me well and he can see things well and provide me with a neutral opinion. After talking to him, I know what I need to do. Within these few days, the sentence of "There will only one of us in the end." was spinning around in my head. I can't sleep well.

The guy dated me recently called up right after I hung up the phone. I know I need to make things clear. I tried to talk to him, but he did not seem to understand me. I told him that we should maintain as only friend at this moment, but he can't accept it. Yes, something unexpected happened and it brought us too far, technically it is beyond the expected pace. Things that were done cannot be undone, yes but we can control not getting it worse. Obviously, I'm pretty confused with my feelings and emotions. I don't intend to play with anybody's feelings. At this moment I need to clear my mind and think thoroughly what's going on. Not being swayed by my feelings or emotions. I need to calm down and think. It is not the best time to choose between both of them. Barely it's a my mistake over the weekend for what I've done. I really need time and space to sort things out. Don't push me, don't pressure me, don't force me. That only make it feel worse. Be patient. If you have the faith in it, don't need to be rush.

My Kiddies love me~~

I was conducting my class as usual, they had fun in my class. We were doing drama again. This time was a little bit different. One of my kiddies started hugging me, and sticking with me. Suddenly she said :"Teacher, I love you." I was stunned for a while, then I replied her :"Yes dear, I love you too." She was so happy and don't wanna let go of me anymore. Then another of them approached me and said the same thing, :"Teacher, I love you too."


Actually I'm really kinda happy when they say so, at least I know the kids like me. They never ever skip my class unless they fall sick. Few of them even will remind their mother to bring them for class. Sorry to say that, yes, I'm teaching English. But I'm really proud of my kiddies, because I can really see huge improvement from them. They hardly open their mouth to communicate with me at the first place, but now they are too talkative till they can't even shut their mouth. Guess what? Yes they were communicating in English. Although they can't speak fluently,not to talk about kiddies at age of 5/6 even me, myself can't speak fluent English; but at least they tried.

I actually forced them to speak, cause I've set a rule, anybody who speaks Mandarin in the class will be fined RM 0.50. So they started to stay alert, if any of them speak mandarin among themselves, one of them will "kutuk" him/her, so they practiced to speak English when they are with me.Guess what, they can now make simple sentences and read me stories. One of their parent even told me that she was amazed because when she bring her daughter to the bookstore, her daughter can recognize the words and started to read. I guess this is the best reward to my teaching.

Sometimes, I feel a bit lazy and boring to teach them. But now, I guess there is no reason I should leave them behind. They are my precious.

Being unfaithful~

I know that I'm doing something really really wrong now. But I just can't help it. I've been started dating another guy recently.So now I'm bitchy. Just being frank that, yes, my bf really treated me kinda bad earlier, but he doesn't for now. So it seems like there's no reason that I could be unfaithful to him.

My bf is really busy nowadays, we hardly meet each other, maximun twice a week for just a few hours time maybe for lunch or dinner only. Everyday,we will only be talking on the phone at night, or the worst case, a sms before going to bed. I don't know if this is normal to a relationship, but sometimes I really feel lonely.


Then he came into my life, he started off flirting with me. Maybe I'm too innocent, I thought that was for real. But it's ok, at least my life has been spiced up a little bit. I wasn't trying to fo play with anybody's feeling, when he asked if I'm dating someone, I replied with a yes, and stated clearly that was since 2 yrs ago. I guess he is a sweet talker, and I'm juz too easy to fall for these people; or it might be just fitting in what I was lacking off in life. I dunno. Day after day, we were getting to know more about each other, from flirting to sharing of feelings. I told him about my current relationship. He seemed to be a nice guy and I felt that something is going on. Innitially, I don't have to courage to clarify because it's just meaningless perhaps it will ruin our friendship. Frankly speaking, I did have a bit feeling for him, but I don't want anything to go wrong between us. To maintain as friends is the best I can have.

But we seemed to move on unexpectedly fast, I can say that we are more than a friend now. I'm doing something against the R&R in relationship.

Pathetic Saturday~

It's Saturday,I was talking on the phone until 5am in the morning after coming back from MYB's outing for Pirates. So, I'm kinda tired. Early in the morning 10am, a phone call woke me up. It was calling from 'Golden Brain', my CEO's brother's company, which I attended the interview earlier. Guess what, it was a bad news for me, nothing much I can say, but a very BAD offer.

After hanging up the phone, I got back to sleep. Then another phone call woke me up again, it was him. We suppose to have a date to go for lunch together, and it was already 1pm. He always wanted me to fetch him, but I guess not for this time,he promised to pick me up. As I was about to wake up, my phone rang. He called up to tell me that his car has sent to the workshop. I was like, WHAT? He was waiting for me to say that I will come over to his house to fetch him. But I didn't say so. So we ended up cancelled the date.

I was kinda disappointed. With the bad news in the morning, and another bad news in the afternoon. Eventually I've spent my day sitting in front of the desk, surfing net , chit chatting and started blogging again.

And this is my pathetic Saturday.

New blog~ New direction~ New Life~ I love MYBies~

I've abandon my previous blog since a long long time ago. Why that I wanna start up a new blog here? Hmm... Guess it's time to change, or perhaps you should say that, I'm trying to avoid somebody from knowing what's going on with me. Don't want him to read on my blog. Because he's probably gonna kill me for what I've done. And only true friends meant to be reading it at here. Guess who is this guy that I was trying to avoid? Yes, it's my bf.

I bet that you guys might be kinda surprise, why him? Why he is going to kill me if he knows what's going on with me here?How I wish it wasn't him. I know what's on your mind. Being in a relationship, we have to share our feelings, have trust to each other, etc. But things don't seem to work out smoothly here. He is kinda possessive. Don't really allow me to hang out with friends, especially guys. I always wish to share my all feelings with him, tell him everything about me, my life. Being in a relationship is not about just being together all the time. We need some space to each other. Hanging out with our own friends and family. He is busy, and ain't got time for me. Yet, he rather want me to stay at home all day than going out.

We used to stay together for almost 2 yrs. I'm forbidden to hang out with friends, the exception only goes to a few of my best friends, girls only for sure. And because of that, I did not make any new friends within these 2 years. I've moved back home since few months ago. Frankly speaking, I finally got a relief now. I'm not under his control anymore, in another word, he can't control me much as we are not staying together anymore.

And recently, I've finally have the courage meeting new friends, and these friends are from MYB. My bf did not know about that. I'm so excited that I finally have a chance to make new friends. I am happy getting to know them, hanging out with them, go clubbing, movie, yam cha. I enjoyed every session. I wish that I would share this happiness with him, but the fact is, he will not share my happiness but only starting up a fight again. That's the main reason I need to start a new blog, writing on me, my life without letting him know what's going on here.

It's actually a new life for me, really. Although I'm not happy with my work, my relationship; but now I have a bunch of new friends. Hanging out with them,I could leave everything behind and enjoy each and every moment. I always wish that there will be more gathering for MYBies, and I will never wanna miss out any of them.

All these while I was so down. But now, with them, It's like the break of dawn, the sun is shinning again! Although I'm not happy with my work, my relationship, it doesn't matter. I have friends~! Even though, they might not be very good friends, but at least I will not be alone. They are always be there.

I'm glad that I have you, all the MYBies~~! Truly thank you~~!!