I should have focus on the work now, been in a new job for not more than a week, still struggling from survival, getting to be close to the new colleagues, working hard to get things done, figuring out what's going on, trying hard to cope with it.
Yet, what I'm blogging about today is not about work, guess you all should know what i'm talk about before hand.Well, maybe the bottom line is... Still I'm really not that much of the career girl. Work might be bothering me a lot, yet it is not all.
The thing that bothers me, other than work, what else can it be if it's not about some special feelings towards somebody. As I've mention earlier, I've been recently dated this guy, things seem to change, and it is getting worse. The reason it would get worse barely because of I'm putting more and more attention and maybe EXPECTATION in this r/s.
I have to admit that I'm falling deeper and deeper. I thought that I was cool, cause he is the one who wants me badly initially, never think of things would alter in such a way that I become aggressive at this moment. Well, we had an argument earlier on, which shits happened. So far as I can see was, we both were in deep shit probably because we were under stress of work. People might accept it as it is the reason, some might just take it as an excuse.
I took the initiative to talk about it, since I don't want the same thing happens in the future, I knew that I've done something really wrong, and I've apologized for what I've done wrong. He said that he is happy that I can see it as a problem and took the initiate to talk about it. Guess what, the conversation screwed up in the middle because he pissed off.
Well, I thought that he is cool and calm to have a nice talk and could solve the problem, yet it did not turn out that way. He got mad and call it off. Well, I did not proceed further to talk about it. I'm not sure what's the reason he got pissed, but if I'm not mistaken, he got pissed because he feel like I mistreated him, he insisted that I treated my ex so good while he treated me badly. He was mad when I claimed that I'm the extremist, I can be extremely good also extremely bad.
However, I also got pissed when he said that I treated my ex so good yet I treated him badly. Suddenly, I felt I'm offended, I did not ever treat him wrong ever since, and yet because of this issue, he confronted me that I mistreated him. The part that disappointed me most was when he compared how I treat both my ex-bf and himself. I dunno what's other perception, but personally, I don't think that it is appropriate to bring out such comparison to this issue where by it is nothing related. It was purely me being emotional and gone out of temper, getting furious. I don't see there's any point or reason that he should relate himself to the such sensitive issue and started comparing how I treat my ex-bf.
Things happened just between both of us, why would you wanna bring in a 3rd party and started complaining or comparing it. This reflected my mom's words, she told me :"Don't tell him too much about ur previous relationship, especially don't let him know that ur ex-bf doesn't treat you well previously, he might take it as a measurement, whereby I did not treat her like her ex did, I'm consider treating her good." I'm not being offensive, but the fact is , yes this seems to be true, it seems to become a standard of measurement for "goodness" .
And the second thing that let me down is, he said he is running out of patient. The patience he has can't last any longer. Seriously, looking back on how aggressive he was at the initial stage when he was fighting to have me, obviously the endurance has died off. I know somehow it will happen, it's just the matter of time, but I did not expect it to come so soon.
Third thing that I was kinda sad with is, when he said,"Don't put too hight expectations on me. " Well, I do not know what does he call it high expectation. As far as I know, I thought that he is cool and calm to talk about it, and could solve the problem together, yet he pissed off, turned to me and say, don't put too high expectation on him. I don't that how should I react on it . Yet, all I can say I, yeah perhaps I overestimated you.
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