Updates~~!

wow... It's already December, time flies. I've been working at MegaKidz for almost 3 months. Haven't get this blog updated since October. Well, obviously it's because I dun have time to write. my workload in MegaKidz, to me is a lot. I wonder if it is just because of I'm being slow cant cope well or it's really too much. Anyway, cant bother about it anymore cause I don't even have time to think of other things but just work. Understands that everybody was saying "Life like this..." Yeah, life is really like this. Because, I was so stressed out I was complaining to my mom saying that I wanted to quit. Yet when I feel like quitting, I recieved an early confirmation and promotion to be assistant sales & marketing manager. That's why I said, life really like this.

Well, it has come to the third month of working there. Work place politics, to be honest I'm not used to it yet. But what to do, cant avoid. So live with it. Can't please everybody anyway. So, to me it's simple, I deliver my job,that's it. Well, it's really quite a tiring job. But the truth is I learn a lot also. Learn to lead the team. Push my limits, explore my ability. Now I know that I can conduct a training to the staff, I come out with proposals, strategies and plans, decision making, I deal with different ppl, I can coordinate events and promotions. And I know I will explore and excel more along the way. It's really a platform to kick start my marketing career although it's not really in a big organisation. But what is good about is, it's not too big whereby all things need to go through a few tiers and get filter and filter. Direct under the boss, make decision making process faster.

It's really tiring, where a lot of things I need to hand on. But then again, I get to learn more and I know how far can I go. Though now it's really quite a hard time. Hopefully I can gain experience from here, to learn and to grow. As I know to go further, I need a strong foundation, this is a platform where I can build my foundation. It's not easy, to give up life, dun get to enjoy weekends, clubbing and hopefully my sacrifices pay off well. Now I wanted to persue my studies. But i wonder if I have time for that. I wonder if I can cope well, both work and studies. It's abit confusing, if I stop work, I have no income, cannot study. If I dun stop, I dun think I can cope with it for both work and study as my workload is heavy. Do I want to burden myself with that? I'm a bit confused. If I dun study, I'm not going any further. That's my limitation to persue my marketing career.

So, anybody can gimme a wise advise?

untitled

I like the way you speak,
and your soft kissable lips,
It's just like chocolate,
you got me addicted.

I like the way you smile,
and wish that you're around,
There is no way to hide,
you got me mesmerized.

And you are seeing someone,
Why am I missing you so much...

You look into my eyes,
started kissing me sweet and nice,
I've lost my mind,
Cause it's simply feels so right.
I've been such a fool,
When I know it wasn't true,
Nothing on my mind but just you.

Under the deem lights,
Holding me so close and tight,
I've lost my pride,
I wish I can have another night.
I'm breaking the rules,
It's so wrong and I knew,
Yet the feelings just seems too real.

It's just a love game that you are playing,
ButI just can't help it and I'm still falling.
Cause you are so damn irresisting ...

untitled 2

Love,
can anybody tell me what is love?
Life,
or this is how it gonna be?

Smile,
to ease the pain that you have caused
Cry,
I'm not gonna cry no more...

Gimme love, gimme life,
I don't want ain't no lie,
Gimme freedom, let me fly,
I'm gonna live my life in my way，

No expectation, no disappointment,
Ain't no argument, no disagreement,
No hesitation, no confusion

I'm losing my way not too long ago, but I'm gonna be strong and start to move on and on and on....

untitled

You said that you love me,
is it true? I doubt.
You said that you miss me,
is it true? I doubt.
You said that you want me,
is it true ? I doubt.

If you love me,
why don't you gimme love,
If you miss me,
why don't you call me,
If you want me,
why don't you do something.

Will you touch me by buying me flowers,
Will you bring me for candle light dinner,
Will you hold me and sing me love songs,
Will you promise not to do me wrong.

- Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

- How to touch a girl - JoJo

One two three four
huh hhhhmmmmm ohhh
I think I could like you
i Already do
Feelings can grow but
They can go away too
You're taking my hand
Looking into my eyes
Don't be in a rush to get me tonight
I feel something happening
Could this be a spark?
To satisfy me baby
Got to satisfy my heart

(chorus)
Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First i have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl
(do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl x2)

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
'cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside
Do you feel something happening
Could this be for real?
[How To Touch A Girl lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I don't know right now
But tonight will reveal

(chorus)
Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First i have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl
(do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl x2)

Bring me some flowers
Conversations for hours
To see if we really connect
And maybe if we do ohhhh
I'll be giving all my love to you
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(chorus)
Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First i have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl
(do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl x2)

You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

- Easy - Paula Deanda

Yeah
Yeah
Paula
Danger

I might be your young girl but I know how to have fun
I got them boys chasing me trying to make me the one
When I'm out shopping it's like having a gun
Whatever I wanna get, got them boys caught up

I know I'm a hot hot shorty
But you gotta slow down (slow down)
You don't know me (don't know me)
If you in a hot hot hurry
You gotta go now (go now), back up off me (off me)

Ooh, I got them going crazy you see
Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh
Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy
Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy

Ooh, I'm much rather than you think that I act like you know
Just because I'm a teen it don't mean that I'm slow
I think you're a cutie boy, but you're turning me off
Sometimes you gotta play hard to get and then it's on

I know I'm a hot hot shorty
But you gotta slow down
You don't know me
If you in a hot hot hurry
You gotta go now, back up off me

Ooh, I got them going crazy you see
Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh
Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy
Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy

One Take
Weezy, baby tonight's the night
And them girls all on me like white on rice
And I get them to the crib late two or one
I'm already high, now you don't want
Take a jet into the sunset, you won't come
Or sit in my Phantom but you won't go
Baby, I can take you to and from
How you slipped your little wrist until you're blue and numb
Um, you're dealin' with a boss lil mama
Young Wayne, Tony Montana
If I were you, I'd tell your homies I holla
If your man ain't me, why bother
I go by the name Carter, I got more plaques than tartar
I've been shaking up them charts on the charter
Number one spot, Lil' Wayne and Paula

Ooh, I got them going crazy you see
Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh
Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy
Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy

Uh ooh, I got them going crazy you see
Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh
Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy
Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy (no no no no no)
'Cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy

Don't be so damn easy
Don't be so damn easy

Glad that I've made her day~~!!! Guess Who? It's my mom~~!!

Yes~~~! I've made her day~~~!! Today is my dearest Mummy's 48th birthday.

Early in the morning, when was in a meeting,I open up my diary, I saw a note,Mummy's birthday, I was like gosh, almost forgotten~! I need to do something. But, after the frustrating meeting I've actually forgotten, was chatting with Kenlm happily, we were talking about mummy, and I insisted that he should kiss his mom to show his love towards her, yet he said he might be doing so only when it's his mom's birthday or mother's day. Then only I recall of my mom's birthday, GOSH~~!

I sms my dad, sister and my brothers immediately to remind them. Go online check for Secret Recipe's number and make my call to order a cake. Haha, I order the so called healthy cake for my mom, It's hi-fibre cheese cake. Yum yum~!! Actually I've tried the cake last Sunday with Kenlm, :P. It's quite nice, lot's of nuts and cereals,drooling~~

After work, I rushed home, went to collect my cake from Secret recipe. But the stupid waitress, made me waited for half an hour while I need to rush home. Finally she's done writing the words , but it' damn ugly written, I can't even see it clear what are the words written there. Since I was in a rush, I couldn't bother that much. Just pay and RUN~~!

One bad news for me...... I have not pay my card debts and my mastercard has spent up to the limit edi ....~!!! I was trying to pay the bill with my mastercard couldn't go through. SHit~~!!

Ops, back to the story, my mom was extremely happy when she saw me coming home with a cake~! I can see it in her eyes, from her smile I know she is touched~! She open up and check on the cake, her smile at that moment just too sweet and I know it's priceless, although I've spent almost 80 bugs for the cake, hahaha~!!

After we had dinner, we were chit chatting. My mom keep cracking jokes non stop. Telling us her funny stories happened when she visited my sister's college to make her payment for new semester. Anyway, there's 1 part really made me laugh till I almost drop my jaw.

My dad used to go to the college with my sister to make her payment, but not for this semester. There were stories earlier on whereby one of the staff there in the college recognize my dad for some reason. For this semester, my sister got my mom to accompany her instead of my dad. This time, my sister bump into the same staff again. Guess what the staff told my sis?

"Hey girl, I remember you and your dad too. However, you dad has a serious face, but you have a funny face~ " I burst out laughing non stop, super damn funny~! hahahahahaha.......

Second story, there's one of the lecturer pass by and ask my sis,

"what's your father's occupation?"
my sis answered :"Err... I dunno."
"What? you dunno ?"
"Erm .... I dunno la"
"Huh, what do u mean by u dunno?"
"I dunno ma dunno la~"
"Huh, how could it be that u dunno what's your dad's occupation?"
"Erm..... really dunno la"
"Doing own business?"
"Err... building gua"
"Huh? building...? Construction is it?"
"Ah... ya gua .. I dunno ..."
"Oh my God, how can u be not knowing your dad's occupation? you are like a kindergarten kid... my goodness"

Her friends heard the whole conversation, and laughed non stop... Her friend confronted her saying that :"Aiyoh, you really hopeless edi, we all see u as primary school kid, did know that there are ppl seeing u as just a kindergarten kid, lagi teruk ~!! hahahahahahaha...."

I really can't hold it but to laugh like mad~!! My sis is a bit cacat case~ Seriously .. she's really just a kid to me.... hahaha

Story 3

Her 1st day in college, she was exchanging phone number with her classmate. Later in the afternoon, she received a sms from her newly met classmate with the content writing, "What are you doing my baby?" My sister got freak out, how come this newly met classmate would sms such msg to her. She told my mom about this. Then my mom question her, what have u done and said to him? She said she did not do anything, just introduce herself by saying:"You can call me Baby~!"

Lagi I laugh non stop~~!!! hahahaha.... obviously the guy misunderstood and got the wrong msg. And my sis also confusing ppl out there. Yes, all our family members call her BABY since young until now, since she's the youngest in the family. But outsiders dunno what's doing on. So this is misleading, if the person dunno about that how the BABY was juz a nick given by the family or how this nick come from, and she introduce herself by telling ppl they can address her BABY by not telling them this is her Nick in the family since young... Funny thing like this will happen... hahahahaha....

Story 4

My mom sudden show me the msg she typed and plan to send it to my dad. Guess what's the content?

"We go out on a date tonight, just the 2 of us."

Aiyoh~~gosh...... breathless laughing~~!! My mom is asking my dad out on a date~~!! hahaha...
Then my mom told me.... so pathetic ... it's my birthday, but it's terbalik I have to ask ur dad out on a date~!! hahahahahaha..... damn funny .... and you know what? THAT'S MY MOM~!!!!

Story 5

My mom told us, man like to married dumb wife. Because dumb wife is easy to be cheated. Dumb wife tend to believe whatever the husband says, and less problem, my mom grinned. Then I straight away taruh her by saying that :"Actually, mummy tend to say that brother's dumb gf is good to be daughter in law, since she's dumb enough,hahaha wont be causing too much argument in the future ~!" Then we all laughed and my sis taruh my mom again by saying that so u r dumb also la....? my mom answered :"yeah, somehow I'm dumb, else I wont be getting married with ur dad if I'm that smart." hahahaha....

Obviously, I have a funny family~!! And I love my family so much~~!!

Happy Birthday my dearest mummy~~!!!

Streching out his helpful hand~~!

Wake up in the morning, figured out that I was late, quickly get myself ready to work, had a quick breakfast, start my engine and go~! FYI It takes me minimum 1 hour and 15 minutes to reach office, and I need to pass through 5 tolls from my place to my working place, everybody lets do some calculation:

Cheras - Kajang Highway

1. RM 0.90 (9 miles)

2. RM 1.00 (11 miles)

Kesas highway

1. RM 2.20 (bukit jalil)

2. RM 2.20 (subang)

3. RM 2.20 (kota kemuning)

To and fro, that would cost me RM17 for just toll fees, for petrol expenses I can't make the estimation yet for now. But overall calculation, I need 1K to cover my travel expenses.

Money, is one of the issues, yet another issue is TIME~! I need to wake up latest my 6:45 am and leave my house before 7:20 am and that's a bit rushing to work. Today I woke up at 6:55am, I was 10 mins late, left the house at 7:30am.

10 minutes make big different in traffic condition. The traffic nearly stand still right after I exit the Cheras 9 miles toll, it was congested all the way till I reached Bukit Jalil. Luckily, I reach the office about 8:50 am, at least I'm not late for work.

Well, today I need to get my job done, ASAP , cause my boss might want it anytime. I don't know what has gone wrong with the stupid MS word, it has printing error, I cant get it printed nicely. Tell Nic about this case last night, he advised me to convert it to pdf file and print it out from there. So I was rushing to go online to www.pdfonline.com to get the document converted. Yet I've waited for 20 mins already still no response from that site. So, I need to figure out another way. Nic promised to send over the promo converter programme to me, due to mailing problem, he can't sent it through.

Kenlm was also recommending the same programme to me, yet my stupid damn company's computer cant install the programme, because TOO LOW SPEC~! CAN'T MEET THE REQUIREMENT to run the programme. It is LAME~! I was like "WTF!!" Obviously I'm having a bad day, traffic jam like mad and got stuck in work. Both Nic and Kenlm offer to convert the file for me, yet I did not send to Nic cause it's going to take sometime to get him to respond. So I passed it to Kenlm. I thought that everything will be fine after this. I've successfully received the converted document. By then only I realise that , SHIT~!! I don't have Adobe reader to open the file~~! Damn ~!!

Nic sent me the link to download from the website, I was told by the technical support fella that we are not allow to install any software in our PC, but Nic claims that it shouldn't be a problem since it's a free. So I decided to try. It took a long while to download, since my computer super slow, and when it was done with the downloading, ready to install, a small window pop up which requires me to key in the admin password for me to proceed my installation. And the technical support fella wasn't around. So, I know I need to find alternative.

I borrowed my colleague's PC to open the file, yet, the file corrupted! Damn~! So I download the file again and tried open it at my colleague's PC. Finally, the file can be opened. When I was too happy, I though that's the end of it, I though that God loves me, everything will be fine. When I press the print button then only I realise that her PC did not link to the colour printer. What the ****~!!! This is what we called Shit happens~!

Luckily I got Kenlm with me, he was scratching out his head to figure out a way to solve my headache. Gimme all the links, this and that, I was trying out one by one. Finally, it proved that God loves me, I've successfully open the file, and printed it without any problem. Gosh~! Finally~~!!! Yet, it was almost 12 at noon. Spent my whole morning just to get the document to be printed out. After all, it wasn't that bad, at least I cant get it done before the boss came in. Dunno why my boss came in late today. Luckily I have Kenlm~!!

Again, I owe him one. Couldn't escape to spend him for dinner already. After a hectic morning, when I sit down then only I realised that there's an easier way to solve the initial problem with the MS word printing error. Suddenly I feel like I'm a STUPID DUMB ASS~!! Now I recalled that, stay calm, you can observe better, have clearer picture of things, brain run smoother, will come out with better solution. Nevermind, at least things are done now. It's over~!

Well, but I need to put more effort in my work, cause I need to do a presentation on Friday morning, upon BOSS's request~! So need to get it done well~~!!!

Now wish me luck for it.

When people run out of patient.....

I should have focus on the work now, been in a new job for not more than a week, still struggling from survival, getting to be close to the new colleagues, working hard to get things done, figuring out what's going on, trying hard to cope with it.

Yet, what I'm blogging about today is not about work, guess you all should know what i'm talk about before hand.Well, maybe the bottom line is... Still I'm really not that much of the career girl. Work might be bothering me a lot, yet it is not all.

The thing that bothers me, other than work, what else can it be if it's not about some special feelings towards somebody. As I've mention earlier, I've been recently dated this guy, things seem to change, and it is getting worse. The reason it would get worse barely because of I'm putting more and more attention and maybe EXPECTATION in this r/s.

I have to admit that I'm falling deeper and deeper. I thought that I was cool, cause he is the one who wants me badly initially, never think of things would alter in such a way that I become aggressive at this moment. Well, we had an argument earlier on, which shits happened. So far as I can see was, we both were in deep shit probably because we were under stress of work. People might accept it as it is the reason, some might just take it as an excuse.

I took the initiative to talk about it, since I don't want the same thing happens in the future, I knew that I've done something really wrong, and I've apologized for what I've done wrong. He said that he is happy that I can see it as a problem and took the initiate to talk about it. Guess what, the conversation screwed up in the middle because he pissed off.

Well, I thought that he is cool and calm to have a nice talk and could solve the problem, yet it did not turn out that way. He got mad and call it off. Well, I did not proceed further to talk about it. I'm not sure what's the reason he got pissed, but if I'm not mistaken, he got pissed because he feel like I mistreated him, he insisted that I treated my ex so good while he treated me badly. He was mad when I claimed that I'm the extremist, I can be extremely good also extremely bad.

However, I also got pissed when he said that I treated my ex so good yet I treated him badly. Suddenly, I felt I'm offended, I did not ever treat him wrong ever since, and yet because of this issue, he confronted me that I mistreated him. The part that disappointed me most was when he compared how I treat both my ex-bf and himself. I dunno what's other perception, but personally, I don't think that it is appropriate to bring out such comparison to this issue where by it is nothing related. It was purely me being emotional and gone out of temper, getting furious. I don't see there's any point or reason that he should relate himself to the such sensitive issue and started comparing how I treat my ex-bf.

Things happened just between both of us, why would you wanna bring in a 3rd party and started complaining or comparing it. This reflected my mom's words, she told me :"Don't tell him too much about ur previous relationship, especially don't let him know that ur ex-bf doesn't treat you well previously, he might take it as a measurement, whereby I did not treat her like her ex did, I'm consider treating her good." I'm not being offensive, but the fact is , yes this seems to be true, it seems to become a standard of measurement for "goodness" .

And the second thing that let me down is, he said he is running out of patient. The patience he has can't last any longer. Seriously, looking back on how aggressive he was at the initial stage when he was fighting to have me, obviously the endurance has died off. I know somehow it will happen, it's just the matter of time, but I did not expect it to come so soon.

Third thing that I was kinda sad with is, when he said,"Don't put too hight expectations on me. " Well, I do not know what does he call it high expectation. As far as I know, I thought that he is cool and calm to talk about it, and could solve the problem together, yet he pissed off, turned to me and say, don't put too high expectation on him. I don't that how should I react on it . Yet, all I can say I, yeah perhaps I overestimated you.

When I found a new good friend~~~

Wow... it's been like ages since the I last blog, approximately 2 weeks I guess. I had a wonderful rest and relax week earlier on, since I wasn't working for the past 1 week. I went to Taman Pertanian Bukit Cahaya at Shah Alam with Kenlm, James and Nic, had a wonderful experience there. Yeah guys I should have blog about it, yet I was too relax, so has been lazy to blog it. Sorry~!! Anyway for those who are interested to know what's going on, pls so check on my friendster, the pics are uploaded there, thank you.

Well, within that week, I spent my days mostly at home. Well, I had a great weekend, went for Transformers on Friday night at IMAX Time Square with the MYBies although the cinema were lousy, but overall still accpetable, just that I will not considered to watch movie at there again. I was pretty sad when all of them were complaining. Nevermind, I guess we all did not expect that to be happened. So the bottom line is, no movie in IMAX anymore. We went for supper after the movie but I felt a bit odd because I was a bit over dressed. Walking on the street late night with a dress and black pantyhose is not such a good idea. Anyway, the IKAN BAKAR was nice. Yeah I haven't mentioned that I met some new fellas from MYB. 1. Jo85 aka Joanna 2.Ionic85 aka Kevin 3. phantom aka Nicholas.

Seems like I'm out of topic. Anyway, FYI, I'm blogging AT WORK~!! can you imagine that, I'm already bloody hell busy, and stress still I commit myself to blog it's because I'm too stressed out. Well, I would be happy if I'm able to post it by today. Opps, guess I need to get back to my topic. Story about I found a new good friend.

Before I started my work on Wednesday, I decided to go out to enjoy my last day before work. So I drag Kenlm to go for swimming. All I can say is Kenlm is COOL~~! He is the anything on type, so we went to Bukit Jalil for swimming. We met Alzier aka Kelvin, since he is working for the swimming association there so we able to get into the pool FOC also.

Due to time constrain I need to cut short my story telling. ~to be continued~

God~!! It's Sunday night now. Obviously I did not make it on Friday to get it to be posted up. Nvm lets continue with the story.

kenlm was cute, guess what happened? Our initial plan was to go jogging at Bukit Jalil park, but I called up to change the plan to go swimming, and I reminded him to bring his swimming trunks. When I get there, he told me that he did not bring towel, shampoo and shower gel and goggle. Basically, what he brought is just his swimming trunks. Hahaha.... By the way, we did not really swim that much, but to chit chat in the pool.Actually it was freezing cold in the pool, not much of people there.Yet we had a great time. :P

After the swimming session we went for pasar malam, with Alzier, Nic, and James. I brought Kenlm to try the legendary "Smelly toufu", well Kenlm claimed that it was quite nice though. All of us were pretty full after finishing the food that we bought. We all ended up going home at 11pm.

Well, actually Kenlm did something that really surprises me, and i was kinda touched, which is the morning call he gave me. He volunteer himself to wake me up in the morning at 5:45 am for my 1st day of work. I was so shocked and I did not really expect him to do it for real. He really surprised me. Well, from that moment onwards, I suddenly feel that our friendship has bonded stronger. I felt like I'm having another good friend now. He seems to get my trust, well I wonder if it is mutual or just one-sided, I feel comfortable talk to him, sharing my feelings and my thoughts with him. He is a very nice person to talk to. Before that, we even talk over msn till like almost 3 in the morning.

Well, I'm glad to have another good friend. I cherish our friendship, it doesn't matter if it is one-sided, well I don't care tat much....Thanks Kenlm~!!!

Let's talk about LOVE.... boy-girl relationship~~

Well, What is LOVE? I've checked the dictionary, this is how it defined:

1. If you love someone, you feel romantically or sexually attracted to them, and they are very important to you.
2. Love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to.
3. You say that you love someone when their happiness is very important to you, so that you behave in a kind and caring way towards them.
4. Love is the feeling that a person's happiness is very important to you, and the way you show this feeling in your behaviour towards them.

Actually there's no absolute or exact defination of LOVE. It's too subjective, you have your own answers. Yet, there are a phrase out there called "Love is blind." People like to use this phrase when they started to be confused, what the LOVE defines in their heart. They started to think and act irrasionally, they do not care if it's is right or wrong,the bottom line is they have their strongest cover line ever "Love is blind."

People would say that, sometimes LOVE makes us to be irrasional. But the fact LOVE is an abstract thing. It's not that it is something that we can reach through our five senses, we can't touch it, can't smell it, can't hear it, can't taste it, can't see it. That's why there's no concrete and absolute defination to this word. But the only thing I know is LOVE is always defined to be a good thing. LOVE never gone bad. Do you agree? Why would you say that LOVE drives you to be irrasional? Maybe when you think carefully, you will realise that, yes, LOVE is all good, it shouldn't bring negative effects.

LOVE is about give and take. Guess this is a common definition. Well, we are trying hard to give our best to our love one, but are you sure what you give is all good, no bad ones attached, or maybe it's something that you think is good for him/her but he/she doesn't agree with that? TAKE, we expect the good things would happen to us all the time,we always wanna take the good thing from everybody, but be realistic. Is not that we can get all the good things from the right person at the right time, we do receive the bad things at times. Are you prepared to receive the bad things? And how would you react upon receiving bad things? We should think about it. The phrase "Give and Take" is not as simple as you see it as just 3 simple words.

Well, I have the idea to right about this is because I saw the topic posted in MYB which AdamG initiated. I've answered it with my thoughts stated below.

The question is :

If you love someone, don't you want to be with him? If not, tell me why, what factors are involved.

Answer in the simplest way is, he/she don't love you as much as he/she loves herself.In fact, to all, we love ourselves more than anybody else.

I guess this is a truth,yet people would not like to accept the truth since the truth sounds too harsh and cruel. But there's nothing wrong, when you love yourself more than loving others. Things just happened this way.

You think that you love him/her so much,and he/she loves you too; but he/she doesn't wanna be with you. So you feel sad, and you are confused, you couldn't understand why. A boy and a girl they love each other so much, but they don't end up being together. I guess the bottom line is just 1, they love themselves more than anything.

Asked ourselves, if you love him/her, and he/she choose not to be with you, will it stop you from loving him/her because of that? Or deep down inside, yes you love him/her but you love yourself more; and you just wanna possess him/her with your, thoughts of, I'm the one, I can give him/her all he/she needs, it's the best to him/her that he/she should let me love him/her. This is selfishness, you love yourself more, you want her to be with you because you think that she should, and the most important thing is YOU ~!! YOU WANT HIM/HER to be yours. It's all about you, your feelings, your needs and your desire but not his/hers.

To the party that refuse to be together, he/she might have certain thoughts like, it might be better for him/her not to be with me, because of he/she can get a better 1, he/her is too good for me,blah blah blah. These reasons shouldn't be a reason, if him/her loves you, he/she wouldn't think that he/she is too good for you or he/she can get a better 1, because the one he/she loves so much is you,he/she has the faith in you, trusted you, that's why he/she have chosen you, you shouldn't be losing your confidence and faith in yourself. And if you think that you are not good enough for him/her, what you should do is to work it out and make it worth for him/her to love you, eliminate the problem that is obstructing you to step forward.

Or maybe with the reason of, I'm feeling insecure, I have doubt in him/her if he/she could be the one, giving me what I want, what I need; so there comes confusion, doubt and uncertainty. Finally, we choose to let it go, because we know that it's for our own good, we do not want to take the risk.

Hence, it has proven that selfishness explains all, we love ourselves more.

by,
Heart broken cutiepie~

LOVE is meant to give out without expecting anything in return. But the fact is, how many of us can really do so?

Bad news to me~ I'm no longer in between~ I need to control myself~

Story about me and HIM again.

Well, as I've mentioned earlier, we both are standing or dangling in between of both sides. But I guess I'm not not. I'm moving more towards to relationship side. GOSH~~!! HELP ME~!! I need to control myself. All these while I thought that it would be fine. But I just got to know that I care too much of his feeling now. It started. I started to hide, well maybe not hide, but do not wanna let him things about me that he wouldn't wanna know or things that will make him sad.

As if we play as a good friend role, I will tell him everything, but I'm not telling him everything about me now. So I guess the whole situation has changed now. I care of his feeling. There are things about me, things that might let the person who likes me down. He likes me, I know, I don't wanna let him down, so I did not tell him everything anymore. I dunno since when I started it, but I don't wish this situation to be continued later.

I want to share my feelings with him, not to hide my feelings from him. I don't want it this way. Maybe I'm falling more, everything when I wanted to call him, one question will be popping up before I take my action, "Is this the right time to call, why am I making this phone call? ". Well, most of the time I hold back, I know I'm crossing the border of friendship already. I need to control myself, or maybe mix around with more friends, so he won't get that much of my attention. Get myself to be busy of something else instead of having him in my mind.

Pancakes Session Vol, I ~~

Well, I hardly recall if there's any guy ever cook me a meal. If there really somebody there ever cook me a meal, please forgive me as I'm a forgetful person, or maybe that meal is not special enough, so can't really recalled it back instantly, hehe, don't hit me~! ^_^

This is about HIM, he cooked me pancake last Saturday. He suppose to cook me pancake for tea time bites,yet we ended up having pancakes for supper. Let me explain why. He suppose to attend a training from 10am to 4pm, the initial plan was, he will come and pick me up after his training to his house and he will cook for me. But, things did not happened that way obviously. I was thinking about to call him at 4pm, but I though he is too tired, probably he would have just sneak out from training, went home earlier to take a nap, so I did not call.

It's already 5:45pm, I guessed he must be over slept, so I called. Then only I realized that he is still in his bed and he did not attend the training, he sleep for more than 12 hours, since 12am untill the next day 5:45pm. Such a PIG~~!! He reached my home by 6:30pm. When I got in the car he told me that he has to go buy the materials for pancakes. *sweat* He claimed that he will be getting it the night before. So we went to Tesco and get the pancakes materials. After finish shopping, time was about 8pm. We both are starved. I don't think that I can wait until the pancakes are served, so we went for dinner, and decided to have pancakes for supper.

Finally we were home by 9pm, and the ice-cream was melted, so I put the ice-cream to the freezer immediately. Suddenly, I heard a women's voice from a distance, it was his mom. GOSH, the mummy was here. She went down and checked on us. As he couldn't find the measurement cup, he got his mom to look for it. I was feeling so embarrassed, but luckily his mom was cool. She can't get to find the measurement cup, yet she left the kitchen to us in another few minutes.

Well, finally comes with the making of pancakes. We blended the flour with water until it was ready to be fried. Well, everything seemed to be fine before I came in and messed up the thing. Hehe, I'm the trouble maker. He heated up the frying pan, ready to pour some oil to fry the pancake. What happened later? Check this out.

"Hey, the pan is heated but not ready to pour in the oil yet." I said.
"huh, why?" he replied in doubt.
"My mom told me to pour in the oil only when the pan is heated up with the right temperature, it's not hot enough yet I guess, let's check on the temperature by pouring in some water. " I said.

He looked at me with doubts, still he did it as I said. Probably the frying pan is one of those special stainless steel pan that won't evaporate the water that fast, the water drops fall into the pan ended up like pinballs, we were playing with the water drops and the funny thing was the water drops later clustered into a big water drop. Well as we were playing, we did not aware that the pan was over heated. So, when he pours in the the oil, the oil burnt instantly. So for the first attempt, as the pan was burnt, we can't fry the pancakes. So we have to wait for the pan to cool down, wash the pan, and start all over again. Haha, so I was blamed and the whole house was full of the smell of cooking oil while we have not made ourselves any pancake yet. He forced to wait outside and don't let me to disturb him while he cook.

After a while he went back into the kitchen and started cooking again, yet still I'm a bit worry if he really can cook, so I went in and check on him again. Well, I observed that the pan cannot be used to fry pancakes, because it is too thick,the heat conduction is poor, hard to control the temperature. So we decided to fry the pancakes with the normal wok. FINALLLLY, we made it.
The 1st one was over cooked, but it still tasted ok, and it was a bit crunchy too :P. Haha, we served it with butter and honey, and added peanut butter for mine :P. We purposely buy ice-cream to serve with pancakes, since we did not head home straightly after getting the ice-cream but went for dinner, so the ice-cream was half melted. Ah~ what a waste! But it's ok, no regrets, we can always have another session of pancakes making. Anyway, it was quite filling, we were pretty full.

This is the first time a guy cooked me pancakes. Well, it's a good thing I blogged it, just in case I forget everything this could recall my memory.

Lastly, wanna say THANK YOU very much to HIM for his pancakes. That's so sweet of him.

I thought I'm healed..... yet I'm not.....

It's been 2 weeks since we broke up, I thought my scars have healed. Yet untill yesterday, I realise I have not. I thought that I could make it through very soon this time, but I over estimated myself. He has already stop sms-ing me, calling me, even e-mailing me. It should be a good news to me, but I don't feel happy. I guess I started to miss him. When he stop contacting me, I suddenly feel like, he has finally given up, he wanna let it go too. I have the feeling of, eveything is really over now. As it's over now, I should be happy, but I'm not, I don't feel so. I'm feeling a bit down.

I'm meeting new friends out there, but frankly speaking, friend is just a friend, they can never replace the role of a bf. I had a few peaceful days this week, no imcoming calls or smses. I don't used to it, it's too peaceful. Well, I think my ex bf got it right, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of loneliness. Yes, this might be a problem, I know I have to learn to fight against loneliness, but is that a crime being afraid of loneliness?

As my ex bf told me that he will wait untill I'm ready to talk to him again. Well, I miss him, I wanted to call him, but I did not. I'm soft-hearted, I can't talk to him over the phone. And I shouldn't do so, I shouldn't let everybody down. So I wrote him an email. It has been 2 days since I emailed him, yet he did not reply. I'm a bit sad when he did not reply my email. Well, putting myself into his position, he shouldn't reply me., because he can't get over it if we still contacting each other at this moment, it's for his own good. But still I'm expecting his reply, I'm still waiting for him to respond to it. I do not mean to patch back, but I just hope that we could end up being friends. Perhaps it's a bit extravagant for us to be friends. But seriously I have never ever ended a relationship in such a nasty way, I just hope to show my concern for him, treat him good as a friend. He don't really have much friends, I wish that I could be with him, guide him to walk out of darkness.

DON'T TEND TO BE AN ANGEL WHEN YOU CANT EVEN GUARANTEE YOUR OWN SURVIVAL~! -- message from Ruben

I know, I don't tend to be an angel, I know I'm not his angel, I just wanna help out as a friend or maybe a soulmate to him in the future. He needed somebody to guide him to grow....

When inspiration comes.....

Live a life but not merely survive,
Always stand strong and ready to fight,
Destination to reach still a long way to drive,
Do not give up even if you were just in a bike.

Don't be deprived when sorrow arrives,
It will come to an end everything will be alright,
Only believe in faith but not lies,
Stay alive and hopes will never die.

It's ok if you are down for the period of time,
Don't the afraid when the sun will still shine,
There are always thing that money cant buy,
Which is the greatest love you ever have in your life.


With my level of English, I can only do this..... Don't laugh at me, my first attempt~

Importance of LIFE mangement

LIFE management is actually too wide to be discussed, if we break down into several sections it would be easier to discuss.

TIME management
Everbody knows TIME management is important. But how well do you manage your time? Time is an abtract thing, you can't sense it with your 5 senses, but it just slip away, second by second, and once it's gone,it will never come back. We can't turn back time. I guess we can cetegorize it into a few categories, Instant time mangement, Short-term time mangement, Long-term time management or maybe LIFETIME time management. Instant time management can be from minutes to hours. Short term time mangement can be from days to months. Long term time management could be from years to 10,20 30,40,50 years or even the rest of his/her lifetime, that's why it might be called as LIFETIME time management. Actually, I myself is having a little bit of confusion, because what does Long-term time management suppose to mean? Can we actually plan on our time for our entire lifetime? I can plan on how should I spend my time later, today, over the weenkend, or maybe max another 3- 5 years? Just being frank, now I only planned on my career and marriage, because life after marriage is much different and especially when you have children. Just being honest, I normally will plan for my time, eventually I do not execute what I've planned earlier, hehe, most of the time is because of laziness. No worries, I will and I am trying hard to overcome laziness. Because LAZINESS IS THE MOST POWERFUL VIRUS IN THE WORLD.IT SPREADS FAST,HARD TO CURE, THEY DO NOT KILL YOU INSTANTLY, BUT KILLING YOU SOFTLY,WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT!

FINANCIAL management
Another crucial issue. Well, not to say financial freedom, which is super duper hard to achieve, maybe only 1 out of a million; let's check on how many of the people out there do not have commitments or debts? I don't really reseach on it, but I guess it will not be a satisfied result. Well, people around me, most of them have commitments and also DEBTS. But, I think I'm consider the lucky one, cause now I do not have debts yet, and no commitment to my family, I am all good. I would say it's unfortunate for them to those who has commitments to the family, but I guess with powerful financial management it shouldn't be a problem to them. Yet for those who has no commitments to the family, if you have debts, that's kinda pathetic. You ain't got a family to raise, you are a free man, all by yourself, and you can't even mange it well ended up with debts. Well, I guess there's nothing much I can say, but NOT GOOD~! Especially for guys~ You already have debts even when u r still single, I can't imagine later if u r attached , probably you will be double up your debts. And I wonder how does he able to save some money for marriage. It will only be a total failure~Perhaps I shouldn't comment that much to these people, I might be ended up being one of them. GOSH touch wood~~!! I don't wanna be one of them. But guys, work it out!! Plan on future, plan on family~!! You aint gonna raise a family with debts, right? If you think that's no problem with it, I would say that you are a big problem. Bare this in mind never ever start a family with finacial issue, cause most of the time it is the mainly the cause of all problems arise later in the future.

PERSONAL management
This is about how you manage yourself, from inner to outer. Inner, it might covers how well are you able to control your temper? How do you overcome stress? How well can you think? How rasional are you? How logical are you? How well can you manage your emotions? and more of course. Talking about outer part, it would be how tidy are you? How well do you organize your work?How well do you plan? How well do you organize you place? etc. Well, I have to admit it, I'm a total failure at this part. Haha, cause I failed all the required attributes stated above. But, I ain't gonna stay at the same spot forever, I'm working hard, trying hard to be a better person. To all of the people like me out there, we can work together to be better person. A well organized person.

So, this is what suddenly come to my mind this morning. It might be more thoughts coming in later, but I guess I should stop now.

~peace~

The flowers~~

Well, what a surprise, I recieved a bouquet of flowers at my office. It's blue roses which I like. Well the message left was in just 3 words "I LOVE YOU" from anonymous sender. At that moment, I was wondering who would it be? Well after a while of deep thinking, I know who is the sender, It's my ex bf. Because nobody knows my office address, and nobody knows I like blue roses. I called to BLOOMING, and yes it was from him.

Well, I never ever recieve flowers from him.NEVER! This is the very first time. But I never expect to recieve it when we are over now. Anyway, he finally remembers what colour of roses I like. If he would pop me with such surprise when we were still together, I swear to god I'll be loving him more and more. But too bad, he is a little too late for now. People don't learn to cherish when they have it, they learn their lesson only when they have lost it.

Well, if he would put a little more effort when we were still together, sending these roses to me on our 2nd anniversary, I guess everything will be good. He failed to celebrate with me on that day by giving stupid excuses, like you know I'm busy, why can't you be tolerant? If he would plan it a little bit earlier, giving me a little surprise eventhough he cant make it on that day, I swear I will never ever be disappointed. He claimed that he is so busy all the time, no time for me, why can he send me flowers this time?

Before we ended our relationship, he don't bother to talk to me, listen to me but throwing lines that would hurt me, hit me and ended it ugly. But, what happen now is , he is trying hard learning to write. Writing me love letters. What's all these? I don't understand~

Best of both sides, Good Friend and Lover.

Well, best of both sides are hard to achieve. Anyway what's the beauty of it? What the best of both sides? Let me elaborate it later. Let me share my thoughts for best of each if it first.

Firstly, what's the good thing about having a good friend, perhaps best friend. Cut it short for the most crucial part, which is, you can share everything with your best friend. Your good and bad things in life, family, work, relationship. From the stupid ones to very serious issues.

Secondly, what's the good thing about having a bf/gf? You can shower him/her with your love, care for him/her, share your joy and pain together, treat him/her very well, of cos being intimate, giving him/her everything of yours.

So what's the bad side of good friends? Not to say the bad side of it, but maybe the we should say the border line of being just a good friend. Which is, you will not wanna be too intimate with him/her. Haha, I know it sounds a bit like a pervert. But this is something true. Do you think that you would wanna hold each other when u both are walking on the street, feel like kissing him/her all the time, hug him/her tightly in your arm? I bet you don't. It just too weird. Not to a friend right?

So what's bad side of being a bf/gf? Actually it's a really very subjective answer, the answer I would give below I guess applicable to most of the normal couples, I believe only very very few of the couples out there never have such problem. This is what happened to me, I can share every of my little thoughts with my best friend, talk about anything,but there's always something that I don't share with my bf. Well is it weird? I dunno. But seriously, there are really things you can't share with your bf/gf, right?Like some silly little fantasies...haha...

Well, me and him is standing in between. We are having the best of both, we share every little thoughts, I tell him everything, and sometimes we are more than just a friend. At times, I feel like I want him so much, because he can speak to my heart. Yet everytime when I think carefully, it is just not a good idea. Because I can't afford to lose him to share my feelings. When it comes to relationship, things will change.

You know what? This is a real complication. But I wonder how long will this last? It's not like we can stand at the border forever, eventually we will end up somewhere. But where will it be? Good friend or lover? I guess only God knows. Should we pray more, so that it would be a happy ending?

Between best friend and bf ...~~

Well what's the different between good friend and bf/gf? Well I guess different people have different perceptions. But have you ever have a friend(opposite sex) who is more than a best friend but not a bf/gf? Well, I have one. Yes, this person is HIM.

Well, we got to know each other for not so long ago, but we are cool hanging out together. We share our feelings, from top to toe, even some dirty little secrets. As I've mention earlier, I got a crush on him, kinda like him. But, truly I've lost faith in relationship, I don't really wanna start another relationship so soon. But there are really somthing going on with us. We are like best friends now, can discuss anything openly. At times, we are more than just a best friends, as we were doing things like a normal couple does.

He is a very very nice guy. Most of the time he knows what I want and what I need. After the last time I rejected him, he seemed to learn a lesson, knowing how to handle me. I'm really happy when he wasn't being pushy anymore, eager to start a relationship with me. He really get into the real picture of "Go with the flow." I dunno what's on his mind actually, maybe he really wants me badly, maybe he doesn't. I've no idea. But I'm confortable with our current status. I know it might not be acceptable to the public, yet I don't really care how others think, or how they look at us, I just wanna know how he thinks, and if he is ok with what we are now. I really care about his feelings, I don't wanna hurt him.

I was being moody today, I don't really know why but I guess is the issue above that bothers me. He was so caring, trying to cheer me up and has been pursuading me to share with him. Finally, his sincerity touched me and we had a talk before I left his place. All these while I was wondering is that ok for him? Will he feel bad about it? Does he agree with who we are now? What does he want? All these questions have finally come with the answers. He understands the situation well, he knows my difficulties, my concerns and my feelings. He cope it well with the situation here. He truly cares about me, without confronting me with something related to "relationship", not even a single word. We were like mutually understood each other. We claims that we are just friends in front of others. As I myself also don't know how to describe our relationship, it wasn't an official bf/gf thingy, but it's more than good friends. I'm really glad that he would accept who we are now.

I really appreciate what he has done for me, I wanna say thank you to him truly from the bottom of my heart. I'm glad to have him in my life. IF, ONLY IF, things don't turn out to be good as what we expected, unfortunately we couldn't end up being together, still I don't think I can afford to lose him in my life....

It's about somebody....~~

I've recently checking on him. I like him in some way but there are also things that I dun like about him.

Like, I don't believe in sharing expenses, especially like buying things, paying for meals. Why do I say so, it's not that I've requesting more, my thoughts is, don't buy anything if u can't afford it. Don't want the gf share on ur bill or even pay for your bill. Buy the thing later when u can afford it. Don't got me wrong, it's not about don't willing to share on bills; it's about the thought that do have this statement it mind that, can't afford, it's ok, I always got somebody to share on my bill. "NEVER EXPECT THE GF TO PAY OR SHARE ON UR BILL. "If she's willing to, it's something extra, an added bonus.

Well, thank god I have a loving blissful family, my parent loves me so much. All these while they were so worry about me especially when I was in a relationship. They want the best for me. They don't want me to get hurt. Being my bf, he has to gain his trust from my parent, my parent have to LIKE him. Yes, he has not meet my parent yet, we will never know what will happen later. My dad warned me not to trust people so easily, not to tell people too many things about myself to people. Yesterday I was talking over the phone with him.We were chit chating happily, my dad heard my conversation, he wanted me to stop telling him more about myself to him. He heard my dad. So I was being frank telling him that my dad said. He suddenly became down and said :"You should have judge by urself if I'm a trusted person. Ur dad doesn't know me well that's y he say so." Well, I'm really not happy with it. Yes, I should judge by myself who's the person I can trust, but sometimes I make mistake. My dad cares about me he was just trying to protect me by reminding me this. He mean no harm. Well, I felt a bit down for his reaction. Anyway, luckily he added that if my dad meet him in person things might turn out to be good.

There are more things I don't like about him, his life style. I still can't accept him to hang around at CC. There's nothing wrong hanging around there I know, and I know guys can't live without gaming; but dunno y I still can't accept it. Well I know it could be difficult for him cause he used to do so. I'm not expecting him to change or what, but I know if I can't accept it, things will never work out smooth. Yes, he did told me that he will cut down on time spending in CC. Well, we will see how things go on later. Another thing is, he really CAN SLEEP, he can sleep more than 24 hrs a day. Sleeping is not a crime, but the things is, he can be DEADLY SLEPT, sleep like nobody's business, eventhuogh the phone rings 1000 times also still he will be hang around happily in his dreamland. I was wondering, in case if I'm in real trouble, calling him up for help when he is sleeping, I probably can just forget about it and directly seek for other alternative to get somebody else to help me. This is who he is, I know he himself also can't help it. So, what else I can do? If I can't accept it also, then there's no way I cant be in a relationship with him. I hate the feeling of helpless. And I hate that feeling of being worry for the person when I can't reach to the person, don't know what is he/she doing or is he/she safe at that moment.

Actually, I need a lot of attention. Recently I figure out that I'm trying to get more of his attention, and I started to eat up lots of his time for me. We meet each other at least 2 to 3 times a week. Even meeting up at night after work. I feel like I've started to be dependent on him. And this is not a good sign, because I'm falling more. Damn. I don't wanna start any relationship yet. But If I'm falling more, I'm afraid that I cant control myself to walk into relationship, and started my nightmares again. So, I really need to control myself. Do my own things, don't think too much.

Due to my threatening ex bf keep annoying me, intruding me, I always called him for help. I know this is not the right thing to do because it affected his work. Talking on the phone during working hours, this is a very wrong thing to do. I don't wanna walk in to his life, bringing him troubles. Only beautiful moments should be brought in a relationship, but not troubles and sorrows, whenever this happens, that's a red light for a relationship.

Well after all , I guess it wasn't that bad. But I will take more time to know more about him. I believe in 1 thing, If you have the faith, there will be never too late. No rushing, take it slow.

Life being single~ Hurray~~!!

To all the guys out there, YES, I am single now. Anybody who wants me, come,come and charm me, impress me, amaze me, tempt me, tease me as you could, but don't cross the bottom line. Finally I'm back with my life being single. Is this suppose to be a good news or a bad news? Well, who cares? As long as I'm happy with it.

If you were to ask me if I wanna start another relationship, I would say, no way man, not so soon. Not untill I'm ready for it. I don't wanna be sent back to prison so soon. I wanna enjoy my life for a longer period of time. Somemore it wasn't a right time now, my heart is with a big hole now. Needed time to heal. Hehe, to the guy who wanna patch the hole in my heart, I would like to say thank you for ur kindness, I prefer letting in heal by itself.

I've be hurt too deeply in relationship, I don't wanna get myself to be caught in the same situation again. It's not that I don't wanna commit myself, but it's not the time yet. When the time has come, eventually I'll be in a relationship.

Just to share my feeling of my lovelife here, all these while I've been falling too fast for a guy. Without knowing more about him, we already started a relationship. Somebody might find that's it's fine, somebody might find that it's not right. There's no absolute answer right or wrong. Somehow I've been there did that. So I would choose to know more, observe, examine the whole situation, then only I decide if to start it or not to start it.

I believe that being single(either a boy or a girl), they have their rights to hang out with different boys/girls, have their own choice. As I've just being released from prison. At this moment, I wanted to meet more people, to explore the outer world as I've not been knowing what's going on out there, being locked up in the prison for years. To meet different people makes me know more about mankind. What make each individual different from another? Physical apprearance yes of course, but the greatest things that make each and every of us different is our MIND, our THOUGHTS. Meeting different people, you will get to know more about how people think. How the thinking machanism works in different brains.

Somehow we do not neet to know how everybody's thinking machanism works, but only focus on knowing how it works for people around u, people that u care of.

I wanna stay single, observe and study on the person before I consider being attached....

I've moved on~~!!!!

Guess what happened within this 2 weeks time? Yes, lot's of things happened. But I swear to god, I'm extremely fine now with a clear mind. Finally, my relationship has come to an end. And I've just got myself a new job.

Now I'm pretty happy as I've finally left the stupid whacky abusive liar. He hurt me deeply, but nevermind, it's all over now and I aint gonna look back. Special thanks to my parent supports me all the way, and would like to dedicate special thanks to my dearest friends Ruben and Nic. Other than my family members, my best gfs, guess the friends that I wouldn't wanna lose are them. Thank them for being there for me all these while. Although they were being bad by whacking me right in my face for my stupidity, but it's ok, true friends tell the truth always, true friends want the best for me.

But another thing is, pity him now. Being all alone without friends and family's support.I know it's going to be hard for him, guess everybody is right, he has to learn his lesson. Hopefully he could see through it very soon and stop threatening me or bugging me.

Anyway, I'm happy now, being who I am finally. Escape from nightmares, free from prison. Congratulations to me~~!!

NATASHA YOU ARE FREE NOW~~~!!!

What I need is time and space~~

It Monday, I went for dinner with my bf. I know that he can't make it to be so early so I ordered my food and drink and wait for him . I reached the restaurant at 4pm, and he reached at 5 pm. By the time he reached, I've finished my food and drink. I dunno why my tears keep falling while I was eating and I did not manage to finish my food. When he reached we did not start any conversation about us. Again we met for dinner and it's just for dinner. After he has finished his food, we walked back to his stall, he handed over some lemons to me then I left without a word.

Am I falling out of love? I don't know. I ended up crying again while I drive home. Before getting into my house, I made a phone call, to my 1st love, yes I always call him to seek for consultation as he knows me well and he can see things well and provide me with a neutral opinion. After talking to him, I know what I need to do. Within these few days, the sentence of "There will only one of us in the end." was spinning around in my head. I can't sleep well.

The guy dated me recently called up right after I hung up the phone. I know I need to make things clear. I tried to talk to him, but he did not seem to understand me. I told him that we should maintain as only friend at this moment, but he can't accept it. Yes, something unexpected happened and it brought us too far, technically it is beyond the expected pace. Things that were done cannot be undone, yes but we can control not getting it worse. Obviously, I'm pretty confused with my feelings and emotions. I don't intend to play with anybody's feelings. At this moment I need to clear my mind and think thoroughly what's going on. Not being swayed by my feelings or emotions. I need to calm down and think. It is not the best time to choose between both of them. Barely it's a my mistake over the weekend for what I've done. I really need time and space to sort things out. Don't push me, don't pressure me, don't force me. That only make it feel worse. Be patient. If you have the faith in it, don't need to be rush.

My Kiddies love me~~

I was conducting my class as usual, they had fun in my class. We were doing drama again. This time was a little bit different. One of my kiddies started hugging me, and sticking with me. Suddenly she said :"Teacher, I love you." I was stunned for a while, then I replied her :"Yes dear, I love you too." She was so happy and don't wanna let go of me anymore. Then another of them approached me and said the same thing, :"Teacher, I love you too."


Actually I'm really kinda happy when they say so, at least I know the kids like me. They never ever skip my class unless they fall sick. Few of them even will remind their mother to bring them for class. Sorry to say that, yes, I'm teaching English. But I'm really proud of my kiddies, because I can really see huge improvement from them. They hardly open their mouth to communicate with me at the first place, but now they are too talkative till they can't even shut their mouth. Guess what? Yes they were communicating in English. Although they can't speak fluently,not to talk about kiddies at age of 5/6 even me, myself can't speak fluent English; but at least they tried.

I actually forced them to speak, cause I've set a rule, anybody who speaks Mandarin in the class will be fined RM 0.50. So they started to stay alert, if any of them speak mandarin among themselves, one of them will "kutuk" him/her, so they practiced to speak English when they are with me.Guess what, they can now make simple sentences and read me stories. One of their parent even told me that she was amazed because when she bring her daughter to the bookstore, her daughter can recognize the words and started to read. I guess this is the best reward to my teaching.

Sometimes, I feel a bit lazy and boring to teach them. But now, I guess there is no reason I should leave them behind. They are my precious.

Being unfaithful~

I know that I'm doing something really really wrong now. But I just can't help it. I've been started dating another guy recently.So now I'm bitchy. Just being frank that, yes, my bf really treated me kinda bad earlier, but he doesn't for now. So it seems like there's no reason that I could be unfaithful to him.

My bf is really busy nowadays, we hardly meet each other, maximun twice a week for just a few hours time maybe for lunch or dinner only. Everyday,we will only be talking on the phone at night, or the worst case, a sms before going to bed. I don't know if this is normal to a relationship, but sometimes I really feel lonely.


Then he came into my life, he started off flirting with me. Maybe I'm too innocent, I thought that was for real. But it's ok, at least my life has been spiced up a little bit. I wasn't trying to fo play with anybody's feeling, when he asked if I'm dating someone, I replied with a yes, and stated clearly that was since 2 yrs ago. I guess he is a sweet talker, and I'm juz too easy to fall for these people; or it might be just fitting in what I was lacking off in life. I dunno. Day after day, we were getting to know more about each other, from flirting to sharing of feelings. I told him about my current relationship. He seemed to be a nice guy and I felt that something is going on. Innitially, I don't have to courage to clarify because it's just meaningless perhaps it will ruin our friendship. Frankly speaking, I did have a bit feeling for him, but I don't want anything to go wrong between us. To maintain as friends is the best I can have.

But we seemed to move on unexpectedly fast, I can say that we are more than a friend now. I'm doing something against the R&R in relationship.

Pathetic Saturday~

It's Saturday,I was talking on the phone until 5am in the morning after coming back from MYB's outing for Pirates. So, I'm kinda tired. Early in the morning 10am, a phone call woke me up. It was calling from 'Golden Brain', my CEO's brother's company, which I attended the interview earlier. Guess what, it was a bad news for me, nothing much I can say, but a very BAD offer.

After hanging up the phone, I got back to sleep. Then another phone call woke me up again, it was him. We suppose to have a date to go for lunch together, and it was already 1pm. He always wanted me to fetch him, but I guess not for this time,he promised to pick me up. As I was about to wake up, my phone rang. He called up to tell me that his car has sent to the workshop. I was like, WHAT? He was waiting for me to say that I will come over to his house to fetch him. But I didn't say so. So we ended up cancelled the date.

I was kinda disappointed. With the bad news in the morning, and another bad news in the afternoon. Eventually I've spent my day sitting in front of the desk, surfing net , chit chatting and started blogging again.

And this is my pathetic Saturday.

New blog~ New direction~ New Life~ I love MYBies~

I've abandon my previous blog since a long long time ago. Why that I wanna start up a new blog here? Hmm... Guess it's time to change, or perhaps you should say that, I'm trying to avoid somebody from knowing what's going on with me. Don't want him to read on my blog. Because he's probably gonna kill me for what I've done. And only true friends meant to be reading it at here. Guess who is this guy that I was trying to avoid? Yes, it's my bf.

I bet that you guys might be kinda surprise, why him? Why he is going to kill me if he knows what's going on with me here?How I wish it wasn't him. I know what's on your mind. Being in a relationship, we have to share our feelings, have trust to each other, etc. But things don't seem to work out smoothly here. He is kinda possessive. Don't really allow me to hang out with friends, especially guys. I always wish to share my all feelings with him, tell him everything about me, my life. Being in a relationship is not about just being together all the time. We need some space to each other. Hanging out with our own friends and family. He is busy, and ain't got time for me. Yet, he rather want me to stay at home all day than going out.

We used to stay together for almost 2 yrs. I'm forbidden to hang out with friends, the exception only goes to a few of my best friends, girls only for sure. And because of that, I did not make any new friends within these 2 years. I've moved back home since few months ago. Frankly speaking, I finally got a relief now. I'm not under his control anymore, in another word, he can't control me much as we are not staying together anymore.

And recently, I've finally have the courage meeting new friends, and these friends are from MYB. My bf did not know about that. I'm so excited that I finally have a chance to make new friends. I am happy getting to know them, hanging out with them, go clubbing, movie, yam cha. I enjoyed every session. I wish that I would share this happiness with him, but the fact is, he will not share my happiness but only starting up a fight again. That's the main reason I need to start a new blog, writing on me, my life without letting him know what's going on here.

It's actually a new life for me, really. Although I'm not happy with my work, my relationship; but now I have a bunch of new friends. Hanging out with them,I could leave everything behind and enjoy each and every moment. I always wish that there will be more gathering for MYBies, and I will never wanna miss out any of them.

All these while I was so down. But now, with them, It's like the break of dawn, the sun is shinning again! Although I'm not happy with my work, my relationship, it doesn't matter. I have friends~! Even though, they might not be very good friends, but at least I will not be alone. They are always be there.

I'm glad that I have you, all the MYBies~~! Truly thank you~~!!