Let's talk about LOVE.... boy-girl relationship~~

Well, What is LOVE? I've checked the dictionary, this is how it defined:

1. If you love someone, you feel romantically or sexually attracted to them, and they are very important to you.
2. Love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to.
3. You say that you love someone when their happiness is very important to you, so that you behave in a kind and caring way towards them.
4. Love is the feeling that a person's happiness is very important to you, and the way you show this feeling in your behaviour towards them.

Actually there's no absolute or exact defination of LOVE. It's too subjective, you have your own answers. Yet, there are a phrase out there called "Love is blind." People like to use this phrase when they started to be confused, what the LOVE defines in their heart. They started to think and act irrasionally, they do not care if it's is right or wrong,the bottom line is they have their strongest cover line ever "Love is blind."

People would say that, sometimes LOVE makes us to be irrasional. But the fact LOVE is an abstract thing. It's not that it is something that we can reach through our five senses, we can't touch it, can't smell it, can't hear it, can't taste it, can't see it. That's why there's no concrete and absolute defination to this word. But the only thing I know is LOVE is always defined to be a good thing. LOVE never gone bad. Do you agree? Why would you say that LOVE drives you to be irrasional? Maybe when you think carefully, you will realise that, yes, LOVE is all good, it shouldn't bring negative effects.

LOVE is about give and take. Guess this is a common definition. Well, we are trying hard to give our best to our love one, but are you sure what you give is all good, no bad ones attached, or maybe it's something that you think is good for him/her but he/she doesn't agree with that? TAKE, we expect the good things would happen to us all the time,we always wanna take the good thing from everybody, but be realistic. Is not that we can get all the good things from the right person at the right time, we do receive the bad things at times. Are you prepared to receive the bad things? And how would you react upon receiving bad things? We should think about it. The phrase "Give and Take" is not as simple as you see it as just 3 simple words.

Well, I have the idea to right about this is because I saw the topic posted in MYB which AdamG initiated. I've answered it with my thoughts stated below.

The question is :

If you love someone, don't you want to be with him? If not, tell me why, what factors are involved.

Answer in the simplest way is, he/she don't love you as much as he/she loves herself.In fact, to all, we love ourselves more than anybody else.

I guess this is a truth,yet people would not like to accept the truth since the truth sounds too harsh and cruel. But there's nothing wrong, when you love yourself more than loving others. Things just happened this way.

You think that you love him/her so much,and he/she loves you too; but he/she doesn't wanna be with you. So you feel sad, and you are confused, you couldn't understand why. A boy and a girl they love each other so much, but they don't end up being together. I guess the bottom line is just 1, they love themselves more than anything.

Asked ourselves, if you love him/her, and he/she choose not to be with you, will it stop you from loving him/her because of that? Or deep down inside, yes you love him/her but you love yourself more; and you just wanna possess him/her with your, thoughts of, I'm the one, I can give him/her all he/she needs, it's the best to him/her that he/she should let me love him/her. This is selfishness, you love yourself more, you want her to be with you because you think that she should, and the most important thing is YOU ~!! YOU WANT HIM/HER to be yours. It's all about you, your feelings, your needs and your desire but not his/hers.

To the party that refuse to be together, he/she might have certain thoughts like, it might be better for him/her not to be with me, because of he/she can get a better 1, he/her is too good for me,blah blah blah. These reasons shouldn't be a reason, if him/her loves you, he/she wouldn't think that he/she is too good for you or he/she can get a better 1, because the one he/she loves so much is you,he/she has the faith in you, trusted you, that's why he/she have chosen you, you shouldn't be losing your confidence and faith in yourself. And if you think that you are not good enough for him/her, what you should do is to work it out and make it worth for him/her to love you, eliminate the problem that is obstructing you to step forward.

Or maybe with the reason of, I'm feeling insecure, I have doubt in him/her if he/she could be the one, giving me what I want, what I need; so there comes confusion, doubt and uncertainty. Finally, we choose to let it go, because we know that it's for our own good, we do not want to take the risk.

Hence, it has proven that selfishness explains all, we love ourselves more.

by,
Heart broken cutiepie~

LOVE is meant to give out without expecting anything in return. But the fact is, how many of us can really do so?

Bad news to me~ I'm no longer in between~ I need to control myself~

Story about me and HIM again.

Well, as I've mentioned earlier, we both are standing or dangling in between of both sides. But I guess I'm not not. I'm moving more towards to relationship side. GOSH~~!! HELP ME~!! I need to control myself. All these while I thought that it would be fine. But I just got to know that I care too much of his feeling now. It started. I started to hide, well maybe not hide, but do not wanna let him things about me that he wouldn't wanna know or things that will make him sad.

As if we play as a good friend role, I will tell him everything, but I'm not telling him everything about me now. So I guess the whole situation has changed now. I care of his feeling. There are things about me, things that might let the person who likes me down. He likes me, I know, I don't wanna let him down, so I did not tell him everything anymore. I dunno since when I started it, but I don't wish this situation to be continued later.

I want to share my feelings with him, not to hide my feelings from him. I don't want it this way. Maybe I'm falling more, everything when I wanted to call him, one question will be popping up before I take my action, "Is this the right time to call, why am I making this phone call? ". Well, most of the time I hold back, I know I'm crossing the border of friendship already. I need to control myself, or maybe mix around with more friends, so he won't get that much of my attention. Get myself to be busy of something else instead of having him in my mind.

Pancakes Session Vol, I ~~

Well, I hardly recall if there's any guy ever cook me a meal. If there really somebody there ever cook me a meal, please forgive me as I'm a forgetful person, or maybe that meal is not special enough, so can't really recalled it back instantly, hehe, don't hit me~! ^_^

This is about HIM, he cooked me pancake last Saturday. He suppose to cook me pancake for tea time bites,yet we ended up having pancakes for supper. Let me explain why. He suppose to attend a training from 10am to 4pm, the initial plan was, he will come and pick me up after his training to his house and he will cook for me. But, things did not happened that way obviously. I was thinking about to call him at 4pm, but I though he is too tired, probably he would have just sneak out from training, went home earlier to take a nap, so I did not call.

It's already 5:45pm, I guessed he must be over slept, so I called. Then only I realized that he is still in his bed and he did not attend the training, he sleep for more than 12 hours, since 12am untill the next day 5:45pm. Such a PIG~~!! He reached my home by 6:30pm. When I got in the car he told me that he has to go buy the materials for pancakes. *sweat* He claimed that he will be getting it the night before. So we went to Tesco and get the pancakes materials. After finish shopping, time was about 8pm. We both are starved. I don't think that I can wait until the pancakes are served, so we went for dinner, and decided to have pancakes for supper.

Finally we were home by 9pm, and the ice-cream was melted, so I put the ice-cream to the freezer immediately. Suddenly, I heard a women's voice from a distance, it was his mom. GOSH, the mummy was here. She went down and checked on us. As he couldn't find the measurement cup, he got his mom to look for it. I was feeling so embarrassed, but luckily his mom was cool. She can't get to find the measurement cup, yet she left the kitchen to us in another few minutes.

Well, finally comes with the making of pancakes. We blended the flour with water until it was ready to be fried. Well, everything seemed to be fine before I came in and messed up the thing. Hehe, I'm the trouble maker. He heated up the frying pan, ready to pour some oil to fry the pancake. What happened later? Check this out.

"Hey, the pan is heated but not ready to pour in the oil yet." I said.
"huh, why?" he replied in doubt.
"My mom told me to pour in the oil only when the pan is heated up with the right temperature, it's not hot enough yet I guess, let's check on the temperature by pouring in some water. " I said.

He looked at me with doubts, still he did it as I said. Probably the frying pan is one of those special stainless steel pan that won't evaporate the water that fast, the water drops fall into the pan ended up like pinballs, we were playing with the water drops and the funny thing was the water drops later clustered into a big water drop. Well as we were playing, we did not aware that the pan was over heated. So, when he pours in the the oil, the oil burnt instantly. So for the first attempt, as the pan was burnt, we can't fry the pancakes. So we have to wait for the pan to cool down, wash the pan, and start all over again. Haha, so I was blamed and the whole house was full of the smell of cooking oil while we have not made ourselves any pancake yet. He forced to wait outside and don't let me to disturb him while he cook.

After a while he went back into the kitchen and started cooking again, yet still I'm a bit worry if he really can cook, so I went in and check on him again. Well, I observed that the pan cannot be used to fry pancakes, because it is too thick,the heat conduction is poor, hard to control the temperature. So we decided to fry the pancakes with the normal wok. FINALLLLY, we made it.
The 1st one was over cooked, but it still tasted ok, and it was a bit crunchy too :P. Haha, we served it with butter and honey, and added peanut butter for mine :P. We purposely buy ice-cream to serve with pancakes, since we did not head home straightly after getting the ice-cream but went for dinner, so the ice-cream was half melted. Ah~ what a waste! But it's ok, no regrets, we can always have another session of pancakes making. Anyway, it was quite filling, we were pretty full.

This is the first time a guy cooked me pancakes. Well, it's a good thing I blogged it, just in case I forget everything this could recall my memory.

Lastly, wanna say THANK YOU very much to HIM for his pancakes. That's so sweet of him.

I thought I'm healed..... yet I'm not.....

It's been 2 weeks since we broke up, I thought my scars have healed. Yet untill yesterday, I realise I have not. I thought that I could make it through very soon this time, but I over estimated myself. He has already stop sms-ing me, calling me, even e-mailing me. It should be a good news to me, but I don't feel happy. I guess I started to miss him. When he stop contacting me, I suddenly feel like, he has finally given up, he wanna let it go too. I have the feeling of, eveything is really over now. As it's over now, I should be happy, but I'm not, I don't feel so. I'm feeling a bit down.

I'm meeting new friends out there, but frankly speaking, friend is just a friend, they can never replace the role of a bf. I had a few peaceful days this week, no imcoming calls or smses. I don't used to it, it's too peaceful. Well, I think my ex bf got it right, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of loneliness. Yes, this might be a problem, I know I have to learn to fight against loneliness, but is that a crime being afraid of loneliness?

As my ex bf told me that he will wait untill I'm ready to talk to him again. Well, I miss him, I wanted to call him, but I did not. I'm soft-hearted, I can't talk to him over the phone. And I shouldn't do so, I shouldn't let everybody down. So I wrote him an email. It has been 2 days since I emailed him, yet he did not reply. I'm a bit sad when he did not reply my email. Well, putting myself into his position, he shouldn't reply me., because he can't get over it if we still contacting each other at this moment, it's for his own good. But still I'm expecting his reply, I'm still waiting for him to respond to it. I do not mean to patch back, but I just hope that we could end up being friends. Perhaps it's a bit extravagant for us to be friends. But seriously I have never ever ended a relationship in such a nasty way, I just hope to show my concern for him, treat him good as a friend. He don't really have much friends, I wish that I could be with him, guide him to walk out of darkness.

DON'T TEND TO BE AN ANGEL WHEN YOU CANT EVEN GUARANTEE YOUR OWN SURVIVAL~! -- message from Ruben

I know, I don't tend to be an angel, I know I'm not his angel, I just wanna help out as a friend or maybe a soulmate to him in the future. He needed somebody to guide him to grow....

When inspiration comes.....

Live a life but not merely survive,
Always stand strong and ready to fight,
Destination to reach still a long way to drive,
Do not give up even if you were just in a bike.

Don't be deprived when sorrow arrives,
It will come to an end everything will be alright,
Only believe in faith but not lies,
Stay alive and hopes will never die.

It's ok if you are down for the period of time,
Don't the afraid when the sun will still shine,
There are always thing that money cant buy,
Which is the greatest love you ever have in your life.


With my level of English, I can only do this..... Don't laugh at me, my first attempt~

Importance of LIFE mangement

LIFE management is actually too wide to be discussed, if we break down into several sections it would be easier to discuss.

TIME management
Everbody knows TIME management is important. But how well do you manage your time? Time is an abtract thing, you can't sense it with your 5 senses, but it just slip away, second by second, and once it's gone,it will never come back. We can't turn back time. I guess we can cetegorize it into a few categories, Instant time mangement, Short-term time mangement, Long-term time management or maybe LIFETIME time management. Instant time management can be from minutes to hours. Short term time mangement can be from days to months. Long term time management could be from years to 10,20 30,40,50 years or even the rest of his/her lifetime, that's why it might be called as LIFETIME time management. Actually, I myself is having a little bit of confusion, because what does Long-term time management suppose to mean? Can we actually plan on our time for our entire lifetime? I can plan on how should I spend my time later, today, over the weenkend, or maybe max another 3- 5 years? Just being frank, now I only planned on my career and marriage, because life after marriage is much different and especially when you have children. Just being honest, I normally will plan for my time, eventually I do not execute what I've planned earlier, hehe, most of the time is because of laziness. No worries, I will and I am trying hard to overcome laziness. Because LAZINESS IS THE MOST POWERFUL VIRUS IN THE WORLD.IT SPREADS FAST,HARD TO CURE, THEY DO NOT KILL YOU INSTANTLY, BUT KILLING YOU SOFTLY,WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT!

FINANCIAL management
Another crucial issue. Well, not to say financial freedom, which is super duper hard to achieve, maybe only 1 out of a million; let's check on how many of the people out there do not have commitments or debts? I don't really reseach on it, but I guess it will not be a satisfied result. Well, people around me, most of them have commitments and also DEBTS. But, I think I'm consider the lucky one, cause now I do not have debts yet, and no commitment to my family, I am all good. I would say it's unfortunate for them to those who has commitments to the family, but I guess with powerful financial management it shouldn't be a problem to them. Yet for those who has no commitments to the family, if you have debts, that's kinda pathetic. You ain't got a family to raise, you are a free man, all by yourself, and you can't even mange it well ended up with debts. Well, I guess there's nothing much I can say, but NOT GOOD~! Especially for guys~ You already have debts even when u r still single, I can't imagine later if u r attached , probably you will be double up your debts. And I wonder how does he able to save some money for marriage. It will only be a total failure~Perhaps I shouldn't comment that much to these people, I might be ended up being one of them. GOSH touch wood~~!! I don't wanna be one of them. But guys, work it out!! Plan on future, plan on family~!! You aint gonna raise a family with debts, right? If you think that's no problem with it, I would say that you are a big problem. Bare this in mind never ever start a family with finacial issue, cause most of the time it is the mainly the cause of all problems arise later in the future.

PERSONAL management
This is about how you manage yourself, from inner to outer. Inner, it might covers how well are you able to control your temper? How do you overcome stress? How well can you think? How rasional are you? How logical are you? How well can you manage your emotions? and more of course. Talking about outer part, it would be how tidy are you? How well do you organize your work?How well do you plan? How well do you organize you place? etc. Well, I have to admit it, I'm a total failure at this part. Haha, cause I failed all the required attributes stated above. But, I ain't gonna stay at the same spot forever, I'm working hard, trying hard to be a better person. To all of the people like me out there, we can work together to be better person. A well organized person.

So, this is what suddenly come to my mind this morning. It might be more thoughts coming in later, but I guess I should stop now.

~peace~

The flowers~~

Well, what a surprise, I recieved a bouquet of flowers at my office. It's blue roses which I like. Well the message left was in just 3 words "I LOVE YOU" from anonymous sender. At that moment, I was wondering who would it be? Well after a while of deep thinking, I know who is the sender, It's my ex bf. Because nobody knows my office address, and nobody knows I like blue roses. I called to BLOOMING, and yes it was from him.

Well, I never ever recieve flowers from him.NEVER! This is the very first time. But I never expect to recieve it when we are over now. Anyway, he finally remembers what colour of roses I like. If he would pop me with such surprise when we were still together, I swear to god I'll be loving him more and more. But too bad, he is a little too late for now. People don't learn to cherish when they have it, they learn their lesson only when they have lost it.

Well, if he would put a little more effort when we were still together, sending these roses to me on our 2nd anniversary, I guess everything will be good. He failed to celebrate with me on that day by giving stupid excuses, like you know I'm busy, why can't you be tolerant? If he would plan it a little bit earlier, giving me a little surprise eventhough he cant make it on that day, I swear I will never ever be disappointed. He claimed that he is so busy all the time, no time for me, why can he send me flowers this time?

Before we ended our relationship, he don't bother to talk to me, listen to me but throwing lines that would hurt me, hit me and ended it ugly. But, what happen now is , he is trying hard learning to write. Writing me love letters. What's all these? I don't understand~

Best of both sides, Good Friend and Lover.

Well, best of both sides are hard to achieve. Anyway what's the beauty of it? What the best of both sides? Let me elaborate it later. Let me share my thoughts for best of each if it first.

Firstly, what's the good thing about having a good friend, perhaps best friend. Cut it short for the most crucial part, which is, you can share everything with your best friend. Your good and bad things in life, family, work, relationship. From the stupid ones to very serious issues.

Secondly, what's the good thing about having a bf/gf? You can shower him/her with your love, care for him/her, share your joy and pain together, treat him/her very well, of cos being intimate, giving him/her everything of yours.

So what's the bad side of good friends? Not to say the bad side of it, but maybe the we should say the border line of being just a good friend. Which is, you will not wanna be too intimate with him/her. Haha, I know it sounds a bit like a pervert. But this is something true. Do you think that you would wanna hold each other when u both are walking on the street, feel like kissing him/her all the time, hug him/her tightly in your arm? I bet you don't. It just too weird. Not to a friend right?

So what's bad side of being a bf/gf? Actually it's a really very subjective answer, the answer I would give below I guess applicable to most of the normal couples, I believe only very very few of the couples out there never have such problem. This is what happened to me, I can share every of my little thoughts with my best friend, talk about anything,but there's always something that I don't share with my bf. Well is it weird? I dunno. But seriously, there are really things you can't share with your bf/gf, right?Like some silly little fantasies...haha...

Well, me and him is standing in between. We are having the best of both, we share every little thoughts, I tell him everything, and sometimes we are more than just a friend. At times, I feel like I want him so much, because he can speak to my heart. Yet everytime when I think carefully, it is just not a good idea. Because I can't afford to lose him to share my feelings. When it comes to relationship, things will change.

You know what? This is a real complication. But I wonder how long will this last? It's not like we can stand at the border forever, eventually we will end up somewhere. But where will it be? Good friend or lover? I guess only God knows. Should we pray more, so that it would be a happy ending?

Between best friend and bf ...~~

Well what's the different between good friend and bf/gf? Well I guess different people have different perceptions. But have you ever have a friend(opposite sex) who is more than a best friend but not a bf/gf? Well, I have one. Yes, this person is HIM.

Well, we got to know each other for not so long ago, but we are cool hanging out together. We share our feelings, from top to toe, even some dirty little secrets. As I've mention earlier, I got a crush on him, kinda like him. But, truly I've lost faith in relationship, I don't really wanna start another relationship so soon. But there are really somthing going on with us. We are like best friends now, can discuss anything openly. At times, we are more than just a best friends, as we were doing things like a normal couple does.

He is a very very nice guy. Most of the time he knows what I want and what I need. After the last time I rejected him, he seemed to learn a lesson, knowing how to handle me. I'm really happy when he wasn't being pushy anymore, eager to start a relationship with me. He really get into the real picture of "Go with the flow." I dunno what's on his mind actually, maybe he really wants me badly, maybe he doesn't. I've no idea. But I'm confortable with our current status. I know it might not be acceptable to the public, yet I don't really care how others think, or how they look at us, I just wanna know how he thinks, and if he is ok with what we are now. I really care about his feelings, I don't wanna hurt him.

I was being moody today, I don't really know why but I guess is the issue above that bothers me. He was so caring, trying to cheer me up and has been pursuading me to share with him. Finally, his sincerity touched me and we had a talk before I left his place. All these while I was wondering is that ok for him? Will he feel bad about it? Does he agree with who we are now? What does he want? All these questions have finally come with the answers. He understands the situation well, he knows my difficulties, my concerns and my feelings. He cope it well with the situation here. He truly cares about me, without confronting me with something related to "relationship", not even a single word. We were like mutually understood each other. We claims that we are just friends in front of others. As I myself also don't know how to describe our relationship, it wasn't an official bf/gf thingy, but it's more than good friends. I'm really glad that he would accept who we are now.

I really appreciate what he has done for me, I wanna say thank you to him truly from the bottom of my heart. I'm glad to have him in my life. IF, ONLY IF, things don't turn out to be good as what we expected, unfortunately we couldn't end up being together, still I don't think I can afford to lose him in my life....

It's about somebody....~~

I've recently checking on him. I like him in some way but there are also things that I dun like about him.

Like, I don't believe in sharing expenses, especially like buying things, paying for meals. Why do I say so, it's not that I've requesting more, my thoughts is, don't buy anything if u can't afford it. Don't want the gf share on ur bill or even pay for your bill. Buy the thing later when u can afford it. Don't got me wrong, it's not about don't willing to share on bills; it's about the thought that do have this statement it mind that, can't afford, it's ok, I always got somebody to share on my bill. "NEVER EXPECT THE GF TO PAY OR SHARE ON UR BILL. "If she's willing to, it's something extra, an added bonus.

Well, thank god I have a loving blissful family, my parent loves me so much. All these while they were so worry about me especially when I was in a relationship. They want the best for me. They don't want me to get hurt. Being my bf, he has to gain his trust from my parent, my parent have to LIKE him. Yes, he has not meet my parent yet, we will never know what will happen later. My dad warned me not to trust people so easily, not to tell people too many things about myself to people. Yesterday I was talking over the phone with him.We were chit chating happily, my dad heard my conversation, he wanted me to stop telling him more about myself to him. He heard my dad. So I was being frank telling him that my dad said. He suddenly became down and said :"You should have judge by urself if I'm a trusted person. Ur dad doesn't know me well that's y he say so." Well, I'm really not happy with it. Yes, I should judge by myself who's the person I can trust, but sometimes I make mistake. My dad cares about me he was just trying to protect me by reminding me this. He mean no harm. Well, I felt a bit down for his reaction. Anyway, luckily he added that if my dad meet him in person things might turn out to be good.

There are more things I don't like about him, his life style. I still can't accept him to hang around at CC. There's nothing wrong hanging around there I know, and I know guys can't live without gaming; but dunno y I still can't accept it. Well I know it could be difficult for him cause he used to do so. I'm not expecting him to change or what, but I know if I can't accept it, things will never work out smooth. Yes, he did told me that he will cut down on time spending in CC. Well, we will see how things go on later. Another thing is, he really CAN SLEEP, he can sleep more than 24 hrs a day. Sleeping is not a crime, but the things is, he can be DEADLY SLEPT, sleep like nobody's business, eventhuogh the phone rings 1000 times also still he will be hang around happily in his dreamland. I was wondering, in case if I'm in real trouble, calling him up for help when he is sleeping, I probably can just forget about it and directly seek for other alternative to get somebody else to help me. This is who he is, I know he himself also can't help it. So, what else I can do? If I can't accept it also, then there's no way I cant be in a relationship with him. I hate the feeling of helpless. And I hate that feeling of being worry for the person when I can't reach to the person, don't know what is he/she doing or is he/she safe at that moment.

Actually, I need a lot of attention. Recently I figure out that I'm trying to get more of his attention, and I started to eat up lots of his time for me. We meet each other at least 2 to 3 times a week. Even meeting up at night after work. I feel like I've started to be dependent on him. And this is not a good sign, because I'm falling more. Damn. I don't wanna start any relationship yet. But If I'm falling more, I'm afraid that I cant control myself to walk into relationship, and started my nightmares again. So, I really need to control myself. Do my own things, don't think too much.

Due to my threatening ex bf keep annoying me, intruding me, I always called him for help. I know this is not the right thing to do because it affected his work. Talking on the phone during working hours, this is a very wrong thing to do. I don't wanna walk in to his life, bringing him troubles. Only beautiful moments should be brought in a relationship, but not troubles and sorrows, whenever this happens, that's a red light for a relationship.

Well after all , I guess it wasn't that bad. But I will take more time to know more about him. I believe in 1 thing, If you have the faith, there will be never too late. No rushing, take it slow.

Life being single~ Hurray~~!!

To all the guys out there, YES, I am single now. Anybody who wants me, come,come and charm me, impress me, amaze me, tempt me, tease me as you could, but don't cross the bottom line. Finally I'm back with my life being single. Is this suppose to be a good news or a bad news? Well, who cares? As long as I'm happy with it.

If you were to ask me if I wanna start another relationship, I would say, no way man, not so soon. Not untill I'm ready for it. I don't wanna be sent back to prison so soon. I wanna enjoy my life for a longer period of time. Somemore it wasn't a right time now, my heart is with a big hole now. Needed time to heal. Hehe, to the guy who wanna patch the hole in my heart, I would like to say thank you for ur kindness, I prefer letting in heal by itself.

I've be hurt too deeply in relationship, I don't wanna get myself to be caught in the same situation again. It's not that I don't wanna commit myself, but it's not the time yet. When the time has come, eventually I'll be in a relationship.

Just to share my feeling of my lovelife here, all these while I've been falling too fast for a guy. Without knowing more about him, we already started a relationship. Somebody might find that's it's fine, somebody might find that it's not right. There's no absolute answer right or wrong. Somehow I've been there did that. So I would choose to know more, observe, examine the whole situation, then only I decide if to start it or not to start it.

I believe that being single(either a boy or a girl), they have their rights to hang out with different boys/girls, have their own choice. As I've just being released from prison. At this moment, I wanted to meet more people, to explore the outer world as I've not been knowing what's going on out there, being locked up in the prison for years. To meet different people makes me know more about mankind. What make each individual different from another? Physical apprearance yes of course, but the greatest things that make each and every of us different is our MIND, our THOUGHTS. Meeting different people, you will get to know more about how people think. How the thinking machanism works in different brains.

Somehow we do not neet to know how everybody's thinking machanism works, but only focus on knowing how it works for people around u, people that u care of.

I wanna stay single, observe and study on the person before I consider being attached....

I've moved on~~!!!!

Guess what happened within this 2 weeks time? Yes, lot's of things happened. But I swear to god, I'm extremely fine now with a clear mind. Finally, my relationship has come to an end. And I've just got myself a new job.

Now I'm pretty happy as I've finally left the stupid whacky abusive liar. He hurt me deeply, but nevermind, it's all over now and I aint gonna look back. Special thanks to my parent supports me all the way, and would like to dedicate special thanks to my dearest friends Ruben and Nic. Other than my family members, my best gfs, guess the friends that I wouldn't wanna lose are them. Thank them for being there for me all these while. Although they were being bad by whacking me right in my face for my stupidity, but it's ok, true friends tell the truth always, true friends want the best for me.

But another thing is, pity him now. Being all alone without friends and family's support.I know it's going to be hard for him, guess everybody is right, he has to learn his lesson. Hopefully he could see through it very soon and stop threatening me or bugging me.

Anyway, I'm happy now, being who I am finally. Escape from nightmares, free from prison. Congratulations to me~~!!

NATASHA YOU ARE FREE NOW~~~!!!