Live a life but not merely survive,
Always stand strong and ready to fight,
Destination to reach still a long way to drive,
Do not give up even if you were just in a bike.
Don't be deprived when sorrow arrives,
It will come to an end everything will be alright,
Only believe in faith but not lies,
Stay alive and hopes will never die.
It's ok if you are down for the period of time,
Don't the afraid when the sun will still shine,
There are always thing that money cant buy,
Which is the greatest love you ever have in your life.
With my level of English, I can only do this..... Don't laugh at me, my first attempt~
3 comments:
Not bad, for one that has english as her second language. Sounds a little cliche at parts, but overall it's a good attempt.
Try variating the rhymes, like having the first two sentences rhyme and the second two sentences rhyme in a different way.
There're many ways to write a poem, but poems that come from the heart, even if they don't rhyme, is beautiful in its own way.
Thanks for your comment, much appreciated. Well, I'll try to do it better next time. :) Actually I was wondering if I should just delete it, cause I don't really have confidence in myself writing this. I used to write lyrics in mandarin and cantonese, yet what I did this time is really something different, writing in english. I know it is not completed beautifully,cause my word bank is limited. But seriuosly the reason I write this is to carry a message which my heart carries. :)
Hello, I'm not good at poem but i think overall a fairly constructured poem and its not abt the level of english but whether the main message is carry across which matters. And of course your courage to try out and construct your very own poem :-)
Well there are some grammar mistakes here and there but its not a big issue, but just this particular phrase i notice "Don't the=(should'nt it replace with BE)afraid when=(AS)the sun will still shine.
Just my opinion =)
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