It's been 2 weeks since we broke up, I thought my scars have healed. Yet untill yesterday, I realise I have not. I thought that I could make it through very soon this time, but I over estimated myself. He has already stop sms-ing me, calling me, even e-mailing me. It should be a good news to me, but I don't feel happy. I guess I started to miss him. When he stop contacting me, I suddenly feel like, he has finally given up, he wanna let it go too. I have the feeling of, eveything is really over now. As it's over now, I should be happy, but I'm not, I don't feel so. I'm feeling a bit down.
I'm meeting new friends out there, but frankly speaking, friend is just a friend, they can never replace the role of a bf. I had a few peaceful days this week, no imcoming calls or smses. I don't used to it, it's too peaceful. Well, I think my ex bf got it right, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of loneliness. Yes, this might be a problem, I know I have to learn to fight against loneliness, but is that a crime being afraid of loneliness?
As my ex bf told me that he will wait untill I'm ready to talk to him again. Well, I miss him, I wanted to call him, but I did not. I'm soft-hearted, I can't talk to him over the phone. And I shouldn't do so, I shouldn't let everybody down. So I wrote him an email. It has been 2 days since I emailed him, yet he did not reply. I'm a bit sad when he did not reply my email. Well, putting myself into his position, he shouldn't reply me., because he can't get over it if we still contacting each other at this moment, it's for his own good. But still I'm expecting his reply, I'm still waiting for him to respond to it. I do not mean to patch back, but I just hope that we could end up being friends. Perhaps it's a bit extravagant for us to be friends. But seriously I have never ever ended a relationship in such a nasty way, I just hope to show my concern for him, treat him good as a friend. He don't really have much friends, I wish that I could be with him, guide him to walk out of darkness.
DON'T TEND TO BE AN ANGEL WHEN YOU CANT EVEN GUARANTEE YOUR OWN SURVIVAL~! -- message from Ruben
I know, I don't tend to be an angel, I know I'm not his angel, I just wanna help out as a friend or maybe a soulmate to him in the future. He needed somebody to guide him to grow....
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