It Monday, I went for dinner with my bf. I know that he can't make it to be so early so I ordered my food and drink and wait for him . I reached the restaurant at 4pm, and he reached at 5 pm. By the time he reached, I've finished my food and drink. I dunno why my tears keep falling while I was eating and I did not manage to finish my food. When he reached we did not start any conversation about us. Again we met for dinner and it's just for dinner. After he has finished his food, we walked back to his stall, he handed over some lemons to me then I left without a word.
Am I falling out of love? I don't know. I ended up crying again while I drive home. Before getting into my house, I made a phone call, to my 1st love, yes I always call him to seek for consultation as he knows me well and he can see things well and provide me with a neutral opinion. After talking to him, I know what I need to do. Within these few days, the sentence of "There will only one of us in the end." was spinning around in my head. I can't sleep well.
The guy dated me recently called up right after I hung up the phone. I know I need to make things clear. I tried to talk to him, but he did not seem to understand me. I told him that we should maintain as only friend at this moment, but he can't accept it. Yes, something unexpected happened and it brought us too far, technically it is beyond the expected pace. Things that were done cannot be undone, yes but we can control not getting it worse. Obviously, I'm pretty confused with my feelings and emotions. I don't intend to play with anybody's feelings. At this moment I need to clear my mind and think thoroughly what's going on. Not being swayed by my feelings or emotions. I need to calm down and think. It is not the best time to choose between both of them. Barely it's a my mistake over the weekend for what I've done. I really need time and space to sort things out. Don't push me, don't pressure me, don't force me. That only make it feel worse. Be patient. If you have the faith in it, don't need to be rush.
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